Soul Eater episode 3 [fandub script]

Soul Eater episode 3

Narrator

Shinigami

Lupin

Death the Kid

Liz

Patty

Black Star

Tsubaki

Maka

Soul

Mummies

Witch

Pharaoh

Living Sid

Round Thingy

Sun


--Repeated opening stuff...theme song--

<Phantom Thief Lupin jumps out a window and alarm goes off>

Lupin: [weird laughing sound]

<Lupin Runs and then is fired at from behind.>

Lupin: [grunt] [gasp] <more running> [frustrated grumble]

Kid: It's over, Lupin.

<Liz and Patty transform into human form>

Lupin: [that grunt/growl of someone who's been cornered]

Kid:  Phantom Thief Lupin, you're on the path to becoming a kishin and must be stopped.

Death the Kid + Liz + Patty: We're here to collect your soul!

Death the Kid:  rrrrrrrr Look, Patty! You're ruining the form because you're too far to the right!

Patty: oops~  I'm sorry.

Liz: Hey, Kid, it's not a good time for this right now.

Kid: It is of utmost importance that one be perfect at ALL times.

Liz: Oh my god, just let it go.

Patty: Huh? (at same time as Kid is talking) Hey, guys, the bad guy's bouncing. [laughs] LOOK HE'S GONE! HE'S GONE!

Kid: (at the same time as Patty) It's like I always say, symmetry is the truest form of beauty. That is why I strive to make everything in this world symm—eh PATTY IF THIS WERE A PERFECT WORLD, YOU WOULD BE QUITE AND LISEN WHEN SOMEONE IS SPEAKING!!

Patty: [cute/somewhat sorry] Okay, okay.

Kid: [speak with excessive passion] Symmetry; my idea of ultimate beauty.

Liz: [exasperated] ...and now it starts

Kid: That's the reason that I chose the two of you to be my weapons. Obviously there is symmetry in a pair of pistols. [annoyed] But that's comepletely useless when you're in your human forms...You're different heights and you're hair is different..YOU CAN'T EVEN HAVE THE SAME CUP SIZE, CAN YOU?! [Kid yells when he is punched...like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRR]

Liz: [really really angry] I apologize for being smaller than my sister! Stop acting like you're perfect!  You have three white stripes on just the left half of your head and you think I'm ruining the symmetry?!

Kid: ((pained sound as if he's just been struck)) [freakout/crying] Ah for shame! I'm a hideous pig! Why must my hair grow in this disgusting manor?! I'm nothing but worthless garbage!

Patty: ((starts laughing))

Kid: I'm no good! I should just die!

Liz: [tired of 'this'] Ahhh, This again? Patty...

Patty: [always happy. She's Patty for cryin' out loud] Alriiiight

Liz: [cheering him up] Kid, you're going to be the next shinigami, aren't you? No one's paying attention to those three lines.

Patty: Kid don't worry, you're not a pig. If you were a pig you'd say 'oink.' Don't be sad now, let's get 'em~

Kid: Are you telling me you don't think I'm garbage?

Liz: Yeah, course you're not.

Patty: 'Cause boooo's what trash says~

Kid: [perfectly fine all of the sudden] Well...I suppose now is a good time to report to Father.

Liz: I can't tell if he's really that emotional or if he's just a spoiled brat.

Shinigami: Hey, What's up~ What's up~? Those three little lines in your hair are just as cute as ever~~

Kid: [unamused] Dear Father, it pains me that you take pride in my flaw.

Liz: That topic's off limits with him.

Shinigami: Huh? Ah Whatever. It appears that your kishin egg hunt is going stupendously well~ But you know, Kid, as a shinigami you don't have to worry about soul collecting or making a death scythe.

Kid: It is my aspiration to perfectly forge my own weapons.

Shinigami: Oh ho?  Since you have two weapons, the number of souls you need to collect is doubled so, Liz, Patty, please do your best to help him out

Liz: Yes, Sir

Patty: Okaaay~

Kid: [say it exactly like you would say 'speaking of needing more kishin eggs...] Regarding my call for an increased amount of kishin eggs, do you have a good target for me?

Shinigami: Ah~ Well if you want to collect a lot at once, I have just the thing for you.

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Black Star: ((yawns loudly)) huh?

Tsubaki: What's going on?

Black Star: [getting their attention] Hey Soul, Maka,

Maka: Oh, good morning.

Tsubaki: Good morning. ((Black Star and Soul high five)) Could you tell us what's going on?

Soul: You're kidding, you don't know? Everyone in Shibusen's talking about it.

Black Star: ((laughs)) I knew people would start talking about how big I am sooner or later!

Soul: No. Just no. It's that.

Black Star: huh?

---------------(title screen is now)----------

Death the Kid: The perfect boy

Maka:  Death the Kid's Magnificent Mission?

----------------(title screen is over)----------

Shinigami: In the sweltering land of Egypt is the pyramid that stands as the ancient relic of Anubis. Inside the pyramid, there is a necromancer witch who is reviving massive amounts of mummies usuing the souls that were burried there. Every night she leads the mummies out of the pyramid to take the souls of unlucky humans. Necromancer witches are especially hard to deal with, when the mummies she has made first take human souls, she can then use those souls to make even more mummies. Her magic will work on any once-living thing.

Kid: The Relic of Anubis, you say? The ancient Egyptains included a lot of symmetry in their architecture. Wonderful.

Shinigami: [not sure about letting him go] Well honestly I was originally planning on giving this mission to a three star meister...

Kid: Your apprehension is unpurposed, father.    Visiting ancient ruins to annihilate a witch...I believe I'll have some fun.

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Soul: Hey, Black Star, you want to know too, don't you? About the person who took that mission?

Black Star: You better believe it, but not because everyone else wants to know...BUT BECAUSE HE DARED TO STAND OUT MORE THAN ME AND NO ONE GETS AWAY WITH THAT!

Soul: So what are we waiting for?

Black Star: Yeah!

Black Star + Soul:  ((runs off yelling!!))

Maka: Uh? Where are you guys going?

Tsubaki: hmt?!

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[Death the Kid lands in from of the Ancient Relic of Anubis and returns his skateboard, Beelzebub, into his hand]

Kid: Ah~! What glorious symmetry

Liz: ((stretching)) Aaaahhhh I feel stiff from being in weapon form for so long

Patty: It's huuuuuuge~!

Kid: There's certainly a lot of dust here.

Patty: Hey, Hey, let's go inside~

((they go in...))

Liz: [nervous] You sure this is a good idea, I mean, isn't this dangerous?

Patty: It's okay, it's okay so let's go, let's go~

Kid: My eyes are dry.    Aahh, even the inside is wonderful.

Liz: I don't like this...places like this really freak me out.

Patty: Hey hey, Big Sister, I was just thinking that when you blink you close your eyes and can't see for a second so everyone should stop doing that. Why don't they?

Liz: [still sounds nervous but conversational] Well if people stopped blinking then their eyes would just dry out, then you would go blind anyway. Well I guess you could use eye drops to fix that...

Patty: hmmmm. We better hurry up and steal a bunch of eye drops so our eyes don't dry out~!

Liz: [more like 'why are you asking these questions' than nevous now] But you blink when you put in eye drops, might as well blink like normal.

Patty: oh. That's right~! Liz, you're such a smart big sis!

Kid: [just remembered something] Ah.

Liz: What's the matter, Kid? You've been quiet for a while now.

Kid: [calmly at first but then like it's driving you insane] hm? You see...it's probably just me but...I can't escape the feeling that the picture in the front hall at home is tilted ever so slightly to the right.

Liz: [really really really mad] WHAT DOES A CROOKED PICTURE HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!

Kid: [almost crying] What do you mean what does it have to do with anything?!  Arghh what should I do? Everything is always getting messed up. Dammit. This is bad.  I have to go home and fix it!

Liz: Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! You're not going anywhere! ((Patty starts giggling as you drag kid through the pyramid)) I'm not letting your OCD mess up another mission! That picture is not going anywhere, you can fix it later!

Patty: ((giggling))

Kid: [complaining] I can't help thinking about it..

Liz: [cutting him off] I DON'T CARE!

Kid: But it's—

Liz: I SAID I DON'T CARE!!  JUST DROP IT I TOLD YOU IT'LL STILL BE THERE LATER!! [terrified] ((screams)) M-m-m-m-m-m-MUMMIES! WE FOUND THE MUMMIES PATTY!

Mummies: ((giggling))

Liz: [still terrified..just in case it wasn't obvious] They're...they're actually kind of cute. ((nervous laughing))

Patty: buh buh buh~ ((<--that's a cute sound))

Mummy: ((makes odd soud as he licks Liz))

Liz: ((screams in disgust)) [disgusted/crying] EW IT LICKED ME! IT LICKED ME! IT LICKED ME! IT LICKED ME ((deep breath and chokes back some kind of sound))!!! GET ME OUT OF HEEEEEERRREEEEE! ((crying sound—can't explain...))

Patty: ((laughing)) They're gross~ They're gross~

Liz: How dare it lick me...[serious, ready to fight] Patty, let's transform!

Patty: 'kaaaaaaaay

Liz: Alright, Kid, let's go!

((Kid is not there))

Liz: [confused/worried/whispering] what the...?

Patty: Uh-oh

Kid: [formal sounding] Liz, Patty. I couldn't stop thinking about it and so I've returned home to fix it. It's dark so you best watch your step. Death the Kid.

Liz: [T^T] YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!

Mummy: ((makes attacky sound))

Liz: Patty!

Patty: Right!

Liz: ((grunts(?) when she catches Patty))

Mummy: ((dying sound))

Mummy: gurrrrrraaahh!

Liz: ((gasp)) Stay back! [switches to weapon mode]

[more mummy sounds...]

Liz: [freaking out/crying again] Patty! This is gross get me out of its mouth!

Patty: Oops, my bad~ oh?

[they switch again and mummy are making lots of noise]

Liz: ((makes an 'eh' sound when she catches Patty again))

Witch: My heart that is within me and my statue that resides within my heart...great pharaoooooh, I revive thee!

Pharaoh: Incur the pharaoh's wrath.

Witch: Heeeh?! He's caught me!! The way he's pulling me in, I think he's going to eat me!

Pharaoh: For toying with the souls of the people I spent my life protecting, you shall incur the wrath of the pharaoh.
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                                Soul Eater
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Maka + Tsubaki: ((sigh))

Maka: [somewhat exasperated] I wonder where Soul and Black Star are now.

Black Star + Soul: ((yelling like idiots as they run))

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Death the Kid: [very much pleased] Ah~ It was all my in my head. This is wonderful. Well now, it's time to return to anubis; they're waiting.

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Liz: Alright, that should be the last of the mummy souls. You divvied them up evenly, right?

Patty: Mhm. If I did it unevenly, then Kid would be annoyed and want to die.

((they hear something))

Patty: huh?

Liz: ((gasp)) [creeped out] eeaaahh (<--that's a scared sound) Did you hear that? The creepy noises in here are just too much.

Patty: What was it? Come on, let's look!

Liz: [scared/whining] Kid will be back any minute, let's wait for him.

Patty: ((this line starts a beat before you see her mouth)) I'm not scared. It's safe with you here~

Liz: [like all hope for survival has been crushed] Oh God.

Patty: ((slowly walking toward the pharaoh's chamber)) [whispering] It sounds like it's coming from right down here

Liz: [whispering] Walk quietly. Quietly...

Patty: [still whispering] I get it, I get it. [yell/scarry/gangster] SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH YOU WHINEY BITCH!

Liz: [pretty much crying, but not sobs] Paaattyyyyyyyy, Don't do that, you're making your big sister cry.

Patty: ((laughs))

Witch's Hand...Wait, What?: Look at me, I'm talking leftovers.

Liz: ((terrified gasp)) AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Patty: ((when the mummy wrappings come out)) huh?

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Living Sid: Huh?

Black Star + Soul: ((breathing heavily))

Living Sid: [standard teacher threatening] The bell to be in class already rang, why are you guys still in the hallway?

Black Star: You're our teacher so you should be in the classroom too, but here we all are.

Living Sid: [friendly] There's something else I have to do real quick. There's more to being a teacher than watching over a room of students.

Soul: Hold on a sec, we've been running around all morning looking for someone who could tell us

Black Star: Who's the kid that took the Anubis mission and got all the attention?

Living Sid: [casually] Ahh, It wasn't a student that took that mission. After all, no student would last a minute out there.

Black Star: Come on, out with it already.

Living Sid: [revealing something cool] Shinigami's son was given that job.

Black Star: [shocked, as if trying to figure out how that happened] You mean that the Boss Man...?

Soul: [^same as what I told Black Star there] He has a son? Are you serious?

Living Sid: I'm not the kind of man that would make things up. Yes, Shinigami has a son. His name is Death the Kid.

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Death the Kid: We meet again, Anubis. You look even more stunning than when I saw you last.

Round Thingy: Nyuuuuu~

Death the Kid: [somewhat urgent] ((short gasp)) You there! [back to his normal 'in awe of symmetry state] Whaaa~ You have such beautiful symmatry~ You're perfect. [angry about a flaw] What's this? GO AWAY YOU IMPOSTER!!

Round Thingy: ((makin' a tiny screem-like noise while it's slammin' into things))

Death the Kid: [bitter] Such a disgusting thing. Liz! Patty!

Liz: [weakly] You came.

Patty: ((having boobs squished)) ehh?

Death the Kid: [like a 13 year old who just ran into naked girls and knows he must look away] Ahh hhh hhh hhh hhh hhh. I didn't know, please exuse me.

Liz: ((does not really fit with mouth movements)) [scared some more~] Hold it, don't you dare leave us!

Pharaoh: Feel my wrath!

Death the Kid: [serious] Why is he so agitated? You two need to change into your pistol forms.

Liz: These bandages are draining all of our power so we can't transform.

Death the Kid: What?! Tornado flip!!!

Liz: Yes!

Patty: Traaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaansform~!

Death the Kid: An Egyptian pharaoh, huh?

Pharaoh: wrath~!

Death the Kid: Your soul's mine! ((gasp and a 'got hit in the face' sound))

Liz: [frantic/worried]  What happened?! Kid, are you okay?!

Death the Kid: ((sounds of getting beaten up))

Liz: Seriously, Kid, what's going on?! This isn't like you!

Death the Kid: [half dead/very weak] Well just look at him, Liz... he's...perfectly symmetrical.

Liz: HUUUUUUUUHH?!!

Death the Kid: ((more getting beat up))

Patty: Kid!

Liz: Why are you worrying about symmetry right now?! If you keep going like this you're going to die!! Didn't you say that you're going to forge us into death scythes and become the perfect shinigami?!

Death the Kid: [you have no hope of living] I can't. I can't pull the trigger.

Liz: Kid!!

Patty: No, Kid!

Pharaoh: Incure the pharaoh's wrath! Wrath! Wrath! Wrath! Wrath! Wrath! Wrath! Wrath! Wrath! Wrath! Wrath! Wrath! Wrath! I believe I will give him the honor of being finished off face to face.

Death the Kid: ((dying sounds while being hit by pharaoh while he's saying 'wrath')) ((surprised, still injured gasp)) [mildly angry] Right. Left.  Right. Left. Right. ((very serious/annoyed sigh)) [very angry] THIS THING IS COMPLETELY GROTESQUE!!

Liz: [confident] It's all over now

Patty: ((laughing))

Death the Kid: [angry rant] Can you justify the way you look? That nauseating lack of symmetry...  I've never seen something so messed up, what hole did you crawl out of? Is there an island where you hideous beast dwell? You are repulsive! Except for that on your forehead! [threatening] That's irritating. You don't need such adornments. [angry again] You're not worthy of them! You're a nuisance! Nuisance! Nuisance! Nuisance! Nuisance! Nuisance! Nuisance! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A NUISANCE!!! ((thing from pharaoh's head rolls behind him)) Your existence is permitted.

Sun: Heh Heh Heh Heh

Liz: [cheerful/conversational] We ended up with an odd number of souls today so for now I have one more than Patty.

Kid: [still annoyed] Dammit. We're lopsided. Let's just go.

Patty: kaaaaay

Death the Kid: And what reason is there for the asymmetrical appearance of that pharaoh? Never mind that, this is it. We should say our farewells to Anubis. ((Anubis cracks and falls apart, you go AH!))

Patty: ((laugh)) It's broken!! That's so cool!! ((more laughs))

Death the Kid: [in shock] Did I do that?

Liz: All that shooting, what did you expect? Huh, Kid?

Death the Kid: [freak out] I'm nothing but a disgusting pig! I'm terrible scum that turned the ancient relic of anubis into garbage! Dammit! I'm no good! I should just die! [quiet/mumbled whinning while Liz is talking] It'd be better if I died. Just let me die. I need to die.

Liz: [encouraging] Don't overreact, everyone blows up a pyramid at some point in their life.

Patty: [also encouraging] Yup~ yup~.

Death the Kid: [grateful] Thanks, you two [annoyed] But I really want to know, WHY CAN'T YOU HAVE THE SAME CUP SIZE?!

Patty: ((laughing))

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((Black Star and Soul stare at the mission thing))

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Shinigami: As a punishment for demolishing anubis, I'm confinscating your kishin eggs.

Death the Kid: [freaking out] Dangit! I'm no good! I should die!

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Narrator: [announcy] Scythe Meister, Maka Albarn and her partner Soul Eater Evans; Assassin, Black Star, and his partner Tsubaki Nakatsukasa; Shinigami's son, Death the Kid, and his partners, Elizabeth and Patricia Thompson. [ominious] The prologue has ended. And now, the story begins.

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((End theme))
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